I'm Not Afraid!
Near the end of this past January, I started taking Fluoxetine (an equivalent of Prozac).
Megan says it's like night and day. I call it "Dark Nathan" and "Nathan."
Really truly, that is how it seems. I used to hate — I mean HATE — so much: myself, others, situations, life, trials, and the list goes on.
Now, I like people so much that I'm awkward. I'm hyperactive and a little bothersome just because I'm excited about people and life.
Fear is gone.
I'm quite motivated & productive every day.
I love! I care! I look outside myself to help! I want to serve! I'm bold! I'm thoughtful! I work! I'm not afraid!!
I'm not afraid!!!
Praise God!
I'm not afraid!
It's strange to write that. I'm not afraid! I'm not afraid of life! I'm not afraid that life will drop one more little straw to break my back. I'm not afraid that I will fail everything. I'm not afraid that I will fail Megan. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid that all of my efforts will be failures. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid to be silly. I'm not afraid of new people. I'm not afraid of going outside. I used to be afraid of going outside! I believed that, if I went outside, something would go wrong – something, anything. I would hole myself up in the apartment as much as I could and go out only to work or do just enough to make sure nobody required me to go out any more than that. I'm not afraid. I'm not trapped. I'm not filled with hate. I'm not filled with despair. I'm filled with curiosity. I'm filled with creativity. I'm filled with opinions. I'm filled with questions.
It still breaks my heart to recall how I treated Megan when I was Dark Nathan. It hurts. I hurt her. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. With her gracious heart, she forgives me. Ah, but now I cherish her vibrantly! Truly, I only ever wanted to take care of her, but I was so lost in my dark bitterness. Ah, but now I'm infatuated with her! Have you seen her?! Because of her eyes, I recently said, "Megan just looks like she's a radiant, sapphire starmaid." Have you seen her hips?! You better not have; I'd have to stab you (unless you're a girl). Have you seen her hair?! Flowing waves of dark allure! Have you seen her smile?! Gentle, winning, dignified. Have you seen her face? Lightly freckled and filled with charm. Have you seen her hands? (Her fingernails are nasty, but) they're filled with kindness and submission. Have you seen her ears? Her ears are lovely with ornaments, her neck with strings of jewels. She is altogether lovely.
Praise be to God for rescuing me from myself.
Thus, goodbye for now. Those of you who prayed for me, your prayers (and my prayers) have been answered radiantly. Keep praying, and cling to Jesus.
Megan says it's like night and day. I call it "Dark Nathan" and "Nathan."
Really truly, that is how it seems. I used to hate — I mean HATE — so much: myself, others, situations, life, trials, and the list goes on.
Now, I like people so much that I'm awkward. I'm hyperactive and a little bothersome just because I'm excited about people and life.
Fear is gone.
I'm quite motivated & productive every day.
I love! I care! I look outside myself to help! I want to serve! I'm bold! I'm thoughtful! I work! I'm not afraid!!
I'm not afraid!!!
Praise God!
I'm not afraid!
It's strange to write that. I'm not afraid! I'm not afraid of life! I'm not afraid that life will drop one more little straw to break my back. I'm not afraid that I will fail everything. I'm not afraid that I will fail Megan. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid that all of my efforts will be failures. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid to be silly. I'm not afraid of new people. I'm not afraid of going outside. I used to be afraid of going outside! I believed that, if I went outside, something would go wrong – something, anything. I would hole myself up in the apartment as much as I could and go out only to work or do just enough to make sure nobody required me to go out any more than that. I'm not afraid. I'm not trapped. I'm not filled with hate. I'm not filled with despair. I'm filled with curiosity. I'm filled with creativity. I'm filled with opinions. I'm filled with questions.
It still breaks my heart to recall how I treated Megan when I was Dark Nathan. It hurts. I hurt her. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. With her gracious heart, she forgives me. Ah, but now I cherish her vibrantly! Truly, I only ever wanted to take care of her, but I was so lost in my dark bitterness. Ah, but now I'm infatuated with her! Have you seen her?! Because of her eyes, I recently said, "Megan just looks like she's a radiant, sapphire starmaid." Have you seen her hips?! You better not have; I'd have to stab you (unless you're a girl). Have you seen her hair?! Flowing waves of dark allure! Have you seen her smile?! Gentle, winning, dignified. Have you seen her face? Lightly freckled and filled with charm. Have you seen her hands? (Her fingernails are nasty, but) they're filled with kindness and submission. Have you seen her ears? Her ears are lovely with ornaments, her neck with strings of jewels. She is altogether lovely.
Praise be to God for rescuing me from myself.
Thus, goodbye for now. Those of you who prayed for me, your prayers (and my prayers) have been answered radiantly. Keep praying, and cling to Jesus.
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