Inside the Mind of a Nathan

Well, I lost another job, but this time I was let go. I thought it was going ok, but I guess the fact that I was recuperating and not flourishing had something to do with it. I'm not despairing like I was at Esperanza, but it's still so discouraging. It's still frustrating. I still hate jobs, job-searching, and money. It still feels like a retarded joke.

I am on the verge of being jobless. I’m pleased about not working at Esperanza anymore, but I don’t like job-hunting. It still seems like a big, false joke: employers just want lists of certifications, not men and women with skills and character.

Hard work and good character: do I have those? I think so. Fear used to constrict me. Now, I'm more or less free from that.

Greetings. I don't have much to say, but I felt a little excited, anxious, and antsy. Jobs: Never mind; I don't want to talk about that.

It's a little past midnight. I feel restless, anxious, excited, hopeful, contemplative, and a few other things. I don't know how people can ever just be "Goodhowareyou?" How can they even tolerate it from themselves? I guess they've just given up their souls — or at least some pivotal part of their souls.

Not too long ago when I was talking about creating, I mentioned that I was on the verge of beginning to draw. I failed to mention, however, that I have been experimenting a lot with digital graphic work. I assure you that it's nothing exceptionally impressive, but it has been enjoyable and sometimes even helpful.

Well, here I am, sitting in a hallway because we don't have internet anymore and we're borrowing from a neighbor who's too far to reach from our apartment. Sigh, don't get me started.

I just want to create things — sort of. I say sort of because, even though my heart is dramatically deflated, deep down, I still want to create. I'm creating a board-game with my buddy Greg Stemler. It's called Starmada! I'm pleased if only with the title, but it's a pretty solid creation if I may say so myself. Ooh, you should try it once we've finally published it (which will take quite a while still, but we'll get there).

I want to hide in a hole, in a corner. I've tried to imagine what shape would take up the least amount of space in a corner, have the least amount of surface area showing, be the least noticeable (mathematically anyway): spherical or triangular. I'm pretty sure I'd have to be spherical...

I haven't written here since before I was married. Krikey, krikey, krikey. I don't even want to talk about it. Jeepers, it's been way too long, but don't get me started.