Network

Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart."

Lately, my heart has felt as though it is collapsing, shrinking, atrophying. Perhaps God is trying to make it easier for me to love him with all my heart: if I have nearly no heart left, it doesn't take much to seek with all of it.

Sometimes, though, I get the impression that He'll have to fry my whole heart before I'll get it – whatever "it" is.

Where are all the Christians? Where are all the useful Christians? I have careened through so many churches practically pleading for help in getting a job. Mostly, I just get responses like, "Have you checked online?" What do you think, tard-nugget?

I know I'm not the best interviewer/job-hunter/resume-writer/whatever.

I'm sitting in Starbucks right now, doing my best to stay out of the apartment. Just outside, there are five friends standing, chatting, laughing together. How do people do that? I'm pretty gloomy right now, so I may exhaggerate a bit, but I don't know how people do that: just have normal friends. I imagine they don't agree on everything, but they hang out and chat and laugh.

Anyway, I know I'm not the best interviewer/job-hunter/resume-writer/whatever. More and more often, I'm told it's all about networking. Then stop sending me back to the interwebs! Just bloody network and get me a bloody job.

But I think I'm beyond that now anyway.

Whatevs.

Werbel's doing alright. I made a lot of progress during the brief season in which I felt determined. I started looking into publishing stuff, and it seems even worsely awfuller daunting than before.

Blah.