The First Page of the First Chapter

As much as I want it to work, it's tough to write while listening to music. However, I recently saw "The Greatest Showman." Mr. Barnum's true history aside, it was an inspiring movie! The music itself is inspiring! Each song is passionate, and almost every song is about breaking through barriers, rewriting one's story, daring to dream, trying again, and not giving up!

It's amazing.

I very much enjoy every song, and almost every song has a line or a refrain that shivers my spine or tingles my soul. I don't know how they did that, but I want more. I bought the soundtrack and have been listening to it over and over again. It's only eleven songs. Only eleven songs! I need more! Since it was based on a true story and the ending was pretty decisive, it's hard to imagine they'll make a sequel — but I need it. I NEED IT.

I need the reminder that there is a world out there — a big world filled with perils and adventures. I need to remember that — even when I feel the darkness seeping in around me and blocking the sights, sounds, and scents — there is life and light stretching to the edges of the universe. I forget easily, and I let so many poisonous words creep into my mind — but music: music seems to keep those whisperings at bay. Some music does better than others, and this soundtrack does it vibrantly.

"Where it's covered in all the colored lights
Where the runaways are running the night
Impossible comes true, it's taking over you"

"I think of what the world could be
A vision of the one I see
A million dreams is all it's gonna take
A million dreams for the world we're gonna make"

"And we know we can't be go back again
To the world that we were living in
'Cause we're dreaming with our eyes wide open"

"But you would finally live a little, finally laugh a little
Just let me give you the freedom to dream"

" 'Cause darling without you
All the shine of a thousand spotlights
All the stars we steal from the nightsky
Will never be enough"

"Won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious"

"What if we rewrite the stars?"

"Hand in my hand
And we promised to never let go"

"And we will come back home
And we will come back home
Home, again!"

Copying and pasting a bunch of words seems so sapped of power! Can you imagine? Have you read a story or seen a movie where one character does some kind of mind-meld where he shares his memories and/or feelings? I wish we could do that. I wish I could pass on the feeling that certain songs cause (all of "The Greatest Showman" songs in this case).

Inspiration. Motivation. Hope. Bittersweetness. Boldness.

One of the things I loved was when Barnum took his various insults and turned them into badges of pride. A critic said he was a humbug. He put "Prince of Humbug" on the hat he wore during his next show. One writer pejoratively called his theater a "circus," so Barnum put "Circus" on the banner that hung on his building.

Again, I know very little about the real P. T. Barnum, but the movie gave this inspiring picture of a man who didn't get crushed underneath insults. He didn't even deflect them. He owned his insults and turned them into hats and banners and badges of honor.

I want that. I want to learn that. Throughout the years, I have taken so many things personally, and I have let myself get crushed underneath them. I've learned to ignore most of them, but I want to learn to embrace them, to carry them as badges. This is a new notion, so I will give it time — but I have some badges in mind that I might like to carry. We shall see what dreams unfold as my story continues to scroll forward.

I am tired — very tired — but I'm excited.

I am ready to rewrite the stars. I've written the prelude. It is messy — messy messy — but it draws me that much more readily to God.

And now, my pen rests on the first page of the first chapter, and the whole world lies before me crackling with perils and adventures.