How to Teach Love of a Discipline/Skill
How does one foster a love of something in someone else? For example, how does a parent endow their child with a love of reading?
I have a theory, and it's horribly simple (not easy, mind you, but simple):
The individual has to see someone they love loving the activity that one intends to foster. For example, a child has to see their beloved parent loving reading.
That is it.
Consider with me the contrast: see how many adults (who were once children) hate certain things just because their hated parent(s) loved something. Religion is a popularly rejected parental love/obsession. "So-and-so tried to force thus-and-such religion on me when I was a kid; now I just hate it."
You may not necessarily generate passionate loathing in a kid, but a surefire way to get someone to hate or at least dislike something is to force it on them — especially if you don't do it yourself. Want someone to hate math? Force it on them while hating it yourself. Want someone to hate books? Force them to read but only ever watch TV yourself. Want someone to hate writing? Force them to write more and more but never set your own pen to paper.
It's only a theory, but I have enough samples to draw a pretty comfortable conclusion.
Back to the thesis though: if you want to teach someone to love something, you gotta love them and love a something.
I have many nieces and nephews. I love them all dearly. I think of one in particular right now. I was at a large family gathering once; it was for Christmas I think. One niece wanted me to play catch with her. We made up a game where I'd only throw if she did an addition problem. She's very bright, so I'd ask her questions, she'd answer 'em, and I'd toss the whatever it was. A year or so later, we were playing this game again: I was tossing something after she answered math problems. After a few tosses, she asked, "Can we just do math?" She didn't even want to play catch anymore!
I mean, I try to make math fun, but here's the problem: I actually love it! It's a magical world of numbers and order and little spells all wrapped in digits and variables.
Not as often as we used to — it breaks my heart — but I also used to play chess with a nephew. Chess is like math: people hate it because they have no idea why. I love it. I'm not the best at it, but it's a fun, strategic game with cool pieces. This nephew doesn't know how to play the game, but he knows how to set up the pieces, and he knows most of their names. Again, I tried to make it fun, but I also just love games and playing games and being silly and nephews and nieces! So he and I would play often.
Another wonderful example: some of my nieces and nephews love being told stories. They have been shown love, and they have been shown the love of reading. Some of them are read to often. You'd be amazed: it's like being a pied piper with pages. You start reading a book, and they start flocking around: they wander near you and sit down. They're loud. Kids are loud. Families are loud. Everybody is loud. But they get quiet, and they scatter in nearby chairs or on the couch or wherever. There was one time I was just making up a story. It was a ridiculous story. The main character was wandering around a castle, looking into random rooms. I just kept on making up more rooms and more useless junk because I didn't know where to take the story. But they were enthralled! It was magic! Stories are magical! I love stories.
Moral of the story is — at least I theorize — that you have to love people and love things (things meaning skills like reading or woodworking or painting or mathematics or soccer or hockey or dancing or board games or almost anything) if you want someone else to love a thing.
Honestly, I'm saying this because I have seen some individuals or some groups crush spirits because of unloved skills forced on unloved kids. I'm especially looking at our school systems.
Obviously, some nations excel with fear and force, but we Americans are too bureaucratic to use sheer force. Thus, we've stifled our kids with half-assed notions of "standards." Nobody loves standardized tests. Nobody uses standardized tests. Standardized tests are a huge pile of crock. We don't say, "Memorize your times tables or else." We don't say, "Learn the quadratic formula or else."
Instead, we give these smarmy speeches about "standards" and "excellence."
I will always carry that vendetta, but my point is this: If you want a kid to love math, I'm sorry to say that you have to love math. Everybody hates math because nobody knows math, so no one loves math, but we think it's important because someone else is using math to do amazing things, but we're too afraid to force it properly, and we're too oblivious to love it deeply.
I used to think people just hated math. The more I tutor — no, the more I interact with humans in general, the more I see pervasive disinterest in like everything.
"I hate math." "Poetry's not my thing." "Who has time for painting?" "I don't really like to read." "I'm not very good at writing." "I used to play the guitar." "I'm not comfortable dancing." "I never got into woodworking." "Programming is for nerds." "Sewing is old-fashioned." "I don't know how to draw." "I don't know anything about cars." "Why should I learn a different language?"
What what what! Craziness I tell you! These aren't just comments from students; these are comments from adults as well. Obviously, not everything is for everyone, but I have heard so many such phrases pop out of one mouth. I think to myself, "It looks like there's a pattern here: you don't like anything!"
By gum, it is crazy.
I'm not trying to be all mopey dopey. I'm trying to show that the solution is so much nearer than we think. It is not easy. Zero percent easy. But it is simple. It requires a herculean amount of energy, but it is straight forward.
The real questions then of course are how do we love others, and how do we love disciplines/skills? The answer to the first is so simple that many have waged literal and figurative battles against how simple it is. The answer to the second depends on the first.
If we don't know love, we fear. If we fear, we cannot love others (disciplines included).
Drawing close to the answers is an arduous, ongoing process. I definitely couldn't handle such a thing in a rambling post. However, I invite you to consider what has inspired in you love or fear or hate. I invite you to consider what you are passing on to those around you.
I have a theory, and it's horribly simple (not easy, mind you, but simple):
The individual has to see someone they love loving the activity that one intends to foster. For example, a child has to see their beloved parent loving reading.
That is it.
Consider with me the contrast: see how many adults (who were once children) hate certain things just because their hated parent(s) loved something. Religion is a popularly rejected parental love/obsession. "So-and-so tried to force thus-and-such religion on me when I was a kid; now I just hate it."
You may not necessarily generate passionate loathing in a kid, but a surefire way to get someone to hate or at least dislike something is to force it on them — especially if you don't do it yourself. Want someone to hate math? Force it on them while hating it yourself. Want someone to hate books? Force them to read but only ever watch TV yourself. Want someone to hate writing? Force them to write more and more but never set your own pen to paper.
It's only a theory, but I have enough samples to draw a pretty comfortable conclusion.
Back to the thesis though: if you want to teach someone to love something, you gotta love them and love a something.
I have many nieces and nephews. I love them all dearly. I think of one in particular right now. I was at a large family gathering once; it was for Christmas I think. One niece wanted me to play catch with her. We made up a game where I'd only throw if she did an addition problem. She's very bright, so I'd ask her questions, she'd answer 'em, and I'd toss the whatever it was. A year or so later, we were playing this game again: I was tossing something after she answered math problems. After a few tosses, she asked, "Can we just do math?" She didn't even want to play catch anymore!
I mean, I try to make math fun, but here's the problem: I actually love it! It's a magical world of numbers and order and little spells all wrapped in digits and variables.
Not as often as we used to — it breaks my heart — but I also used to play chess with a nephew. Chess is like math: people hate it because they have no idea why. I love it. I'm not the best at it, but it's a fun, strategic game with cool pieces. This nephew doesn't know how to play the game, but he knows how to set up the pieces, and he knows most of their names. Again, I tried to make it fun, but I also just love games and playing games and being silly and nephews and nieces! So he and I would play often.
Another wonderful example: some of my nieces and nephews love being told stories. They have been shown love, and they have been shown the love of reading. Some of them are read to often. You'd be amazed: it's like being a pied piper with pages. You start reading a book, and they start flocking around: they wander near you and sit down. They're loud. Kids are loud. Families are loud. Everybody is loud. But they get quiet, and they scatter in nearby chairs or on the couch or wherever. There was one time I was just making up a story. It was a ridiculous story. The main character was wandering around a castle, looking into random rooms. I just kept on making up more rooms and more useless junk because I didn't know where to take the story. But they were enthralled! It was magic! Stories are magical! I love stories.
Moral of the story is — at least I theorize — that you have to love people and love things (things meaning skills like reading or woodworking or painting or mathematics or soccer or hockey or dancing or board games or almost anything) if you want someone else to love a thing.
Honestly, I'm saying this because I have seen some individuals or some groups crush spirits because of unloved skills forced on unloved kids. I'm especially looking at our school systems.
Obviously, some nations excel with fear and force, but we Americans are too bureaucratic to use sheer force. Thus, we've stifled our kids with half-assed notions of "standards." Nobody loves standardized tests. Nobody uses standardized tests. Standardized tests are a huge pile of crock. We don't say, "Memorize your times tables or else." We don't say, "Learn the quadratic formula or else."
Instead, we give these smarmy speeches about "standards" and "excellence."
I will always carry that vendetta, but my point is this: If you want a kid to love math, I'm sorry to say that you have to love math. Everybody hates math because nobody knows math, so no one loves math, but we think it's important because someone else is using math to do amazing things, but we're too afraid to force it properly, and we're too oblivious to love it deeply.
I used to think people just hated math. The more I tutor — no, the more I interact with humans in general, the more I see pervasive disinterest in like everything.
"I hate math." "Poetry's not my thing." "Who has time for painting?" "I don't really like to read." "I'm not very good at writing." "I used to play the guitar." "I'm not comfortable dancing." "I never got into woodworking." "Programming is for nerds." "Sewing is old-fashioned." "I don't know how to draw." "I don't know anything about cars." "Why should I learn a different language?"
What what what! Craziness I tell you! These aren't just comments from students; these are comments from adults as well. Obviously, not everything is for everyone, but I have heard so many such phrases pop out of one mouth. I think to myself, "It looks like there's a pattern here: you don't like anything!"
By gum, it is crazy.
I'm not trying to be all mopey dopey. I'm trying to show that the solution is so much nearer than we think. It is not easy. Zero percent easy. But it is simple. It requires a herculean amount of energy, but it is straight forward.
The real questions then of course are how do we love others, and how do we love disciplines/skills? The answer to the first is so simple that many have waged literal and figurative battles against how simple it is. The answer to the second depends on the first.
If we don't know love, we fear. If we fear, we cannot love others (disciplines included).
Drawing close to the answers is an arduous, ongoing process. I definitely couldn't handle such a thing in a rambling post. However, I invite you to consider what has inspired in you love or fear or hate. I invite you to consider what you are passing on to those around you.
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