Wasted Time and Guarded Hearts
I sat and thought too long about the idea of writing another story sketch that I fizzled myself. Now, I shouldn't need — and I think I don't need — a comfortable starting place to begin a story sketch. It's become a bit more natural as I keep at it, so it's easier to sprout out from any random beginning.
Still, it's late, I'm tired, and a story sketch may still happen. Either way, I needed to write. I even wanted to write. I actually always want to write. The only things holding me back are fears and such.
It's terrifying to think back and consider how much time I've wasted over the years — and I mean properly wasted. I'm not talking about the things people tell you are wastes just because they don't like 'em. I'm talking about the real wastes: you feel it in your guts, but the inspiration to choose something better or the humility to choose something more restful both elude you, and you settle with something that burns up your time.
Thankfully, I can't go back. I just realized that I'd make a different mess of things. I already made so many messes, and, now, I think I'm so much smarter and so much wiser than I was before. Sure enough, I am smarter and wiser than my younger self, but I'd rather keep the messes I know than blunder into entirely new ones with some weird kind of time-traveling pride.
I should probably live near the ocean. I have this ocean sounds YouTube video I play half the time I'm working. I need noise-canceling headphones! I hear that some are wonderfully effective. Imagine closing out everything but ocean waves and seagulls! It'd be my own little vacation every time I'm working.
I had a crummy weekend. There were plenty of common reasons, but I really think that, because I didn't read or write much, I got some kind of constipated.
Worth saying but not worth trying to explain.
I am amazed at how much energy my (figurative) heart takes and gives! Perhaps that's why He says, "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life" (Proverbs 4:23). I don't think I know how to guard my heart properly. I'm learning tiny bit by tiny bit, but I don't think I do a good job at all. Honestly, I think I'm rather reckless with my heart.
I'm not sure yet because I'm not even sure what a guarded heart would look like. Stay tuned.
In other news, there is no other news. It's right about nap time, but it's not nap time yet.
Ding dang doodle, I might have another chance at Story Time. I don't know if I told you, but Story Time was temporarily foiled. Also, I really think I might call it The Red Wolph Readings. It uses the Red Wolph theme of course, but I could also do something like The Red Wolph Writings. I like the Red Wolph. We'll see what's in the cards for me, but I'd love to be one, unified person — one, unified, crazy person. As it is, I am "Nathan at Rudolph Strategies" and "The Red Wolph" for various reasons and just a plain "Nathan Mark Rudolph" for my guitar songs at the moment as well as some of my other creations (paintings and comics for now). We'll see.
It is about that time, and so I shall bid you a temporary adieu.
Still, it's late, I'm tired, and a story sketch may still happen. Either way, I needed to write. I even wanted to write. I actually always want to write. The only things holding me back are fears and such.
It's terrifying to think back and consider how much time I've wasted over the years — and I mean properly wasted. I'm not talking about the things people tell you are wastes just because they don't like 'em. I'm talking about the real wastes: you feel it in your guts, but the inspiration to choose something better or the humility to choose something more restful both elude you, and you settle with something that burns up your time.
Thankfully, I can't go back. I just realized that I'd make a different mess of things. I already made so many messes, and, now, I think I'm so much smarter and so much wiser than I was before. Sure enough, I am smarter and wiser than my younger self, but I'd rather keep the messes I know than blunder into entirely new ones with some weird kind of time-traveling pride.
I should probably live near the ocean. I have this ocean sounds YouTube video I play half the time I'm working. I need noise-canceling headphones! I hear that some are wonderfully effective. Imagine closing out everything but ocean waves and seagulls! It'd be my own little vacation every time I'm working.
I had a crummy weekend. There were plenty of common reasons, but I really think that, because I didn't read or write much, I got some kind of constipated.
Worth saying but not worth trying to explain.
I am amazed at how much energy my (figurative) heart takes and gives! Perhaps that's why He says, "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life" (Proverbs 4:23). I don't think I know how to guard my heart properly. I'm learning tiny bit by tiny bit, but I don't think I do a good job at all. Honestly, I think I'm rather reckless with my heart.
I'm not sure yet because I'm not even sure what a guarded heart would look like. Stay tuned.
In other news, there is no other news. It's right about nap time, but it's not nap time yet.
Ding dang doodle, I might have another chance at Story Time. I don't know if I told you, but Story Time was temporarily foiled. Also, I really think I might call it The Red Wolph Readings. It uses the Red Wolph theme of course, but I could also do something like The Red Wolph Writings. I like the Red Wolph. We'll see what's in the cards for me, but I'd love to be one, unified person — one, unified, crazy person. As it is, I am "Nathan at Rudolph Strategies" and "The Red Wolph" for various reasons and just a plain "Nathan Mark Rudolph" for my guitar songs at the moment as well as some of my other creations (paintings and comics for now). We'll see.
It is about that time, and so I shall bid you a temporary adieu.
Comments
Post a Comment